Andrés's 2p Blog de estúpido
by xXxXLupicideXxXx
Summary: Hola, my name is Andrés Fernández Carriedo AKA 2pSpain... Ask me anything gilipollases. /WARNING: Will be fucked up! Enter at your own risk!/ [M for a reason!]
1. Chapter 1

**Mood:** Annoyed

**Listening to:** Mi Casa by Los Suaves

Hola, and welcome to my estúpido blog. *Scowls* I will not answer any annoying questions about crushes, or take any ridiculous requests like hugging mi idiota of a 1p; **_so don't even bother._** The only reason this thing even exists is that Flavio (_Que meirdecilla),_ has decided to fucking blackmail me… So let's just get this over with.

**Country Name:** Reino de España (Spain)

**Human Name:** Andrés Fernández Carriedo

**Age:** Over 500 (Country)/ 25 (Human)

**Gender:** Male

**Sexual Orientation:** *Glares*

**Height:** About 5'10" (178cm)

**Weight:** 158lbs (71kg)

**Hair****Color:** Brown-Black

**Eye Color:** Dark brown

**Family:** Portugal (Hermano)

**Pet/s:** Tito the turtle

Today Flavio showed up in my kitchen again, as I've long given up on changing the locks to keep him out. Normally I don't mind, as I've become used to the mocoso's annoyance over the years, but when the puta del hombre shows up naked and whining like a little bitch… _It's a different story._ Contrary to popular belief, my life does not revolve around el mocoso. I ended up just leaving the house and hoping that he'd be gone by the time I got home. Being in Madrid I ended up running into my 1p, an idiota that never stops smiling or talking unless I punch him out. Fortunately he wasn't annoying enough for that today. He actually seemed a little sad even… Not that I care about the idiota. It just seems unnatural for him is all… I went to visit France for a bit after that, knowing that complaining about el mocoso showing up naked in my kitchen again would be enough to make him green around the gills. He's always been grossed by sex and stuff, though I guess it's no surprise since he was raised for the most part by Roma like I was. The old fuck used to leave bruises all over most of us, but he never so much as slapped Francia in the back of the damn head. If I had to do it over again I'd be happy to be covered in bruises, because I know that whatever he did to France was much worse… But enough about that. When I got back from drinking with Francia, Flavio was unfortunately not gone. He'd fallen asleep on my bed (Still naked), so I pulled the sheets over him and am now going to sleep on the damn couch for the night. There, un condenadamente blog entry!

((Author: Don't worry, Flavio and I will make sure he answers any and all questions you have! ^_^))

*Glares at Author* **_No I won't…!_** *Glares* Ahora las buenos noches, gilipollases.

_/Questions via Review from humans, or any personification of land./_


	2. Chapter 2

**Mood:** Grumpy

**Listening to:** Entre Dos Tierras by Heroes del Silencio

It was my shift for Prusia's suicide watch today, what fucking joy! Sometimes I really want stick an axe through his hermano's head for being such a lazy fuck, who always leaves it to everyone else to make sure the guy doesn't end up in a damn hospital. I also went to visit Netherlands on my way home, but he ran away from me again and Belgium slammed the door in my face like usual when I went to tell her that she probably needed to check up on him again. El mocoso wasn't there when I got home, so I reluctantly decided to go visit him and Veneziano instead. Vene really hates me, but I don't give a damn fuck. It's not like I hurt Flavio these days… Not unless the masochistic little fuck asks for it first, anyway. He's probably the only colony I had that still fucking speaks to me on a regular basis.

_Now on to the estúpido reviews…_

**_Neko Sai-Sai Says:_**

Hola, Andi-chan! :D

Sai-Sai has some questions for you...! ^_^

1. Do you know that Lupi-kun ships you with your 1p? It's adorable! *Gets out clipboard and shrink's lab coat* *Whisper shouts* How does this make you feel, Andi-chan...?

2. Did 2p!Franny-kun really get molested...?! D:

3. Do you have an axe like 'Tonio, and if so did you name it? What's it called?! /Can I touch it...?!/ :D

4. There are some nasty rumors going around that your 1p is a pedo (Even though we know that's not true), what about you? Have you ever molested kiddies...?

5. Does Flavio dye his hair?

6. Sai-Sai gets that Flavio's a stalker and all, but have you guys ever banged out a quick one? ;D

7. /Can I licks you, pwease...?/ :3

**_Mi Contestación:_**

Okay, first of all mocoso… _My name is not 'Andi-chan'! __So don't call me that unless you want to die a very painful death._

1. *Blushes a deep crimson* _That's just sick!_ Like I'd ever touch that damn idiota…! How does that make me feel? Uh, how about _NO FUCKING BUENO?!_ Dios knows how many STDs I'd catch from that puta!

2. Sí, unfortunately he did… Señor Roma was always obsessed with conquering as many nations as possible, and for the more useful nations like Francia that conquering was in more ways than one. Luckily the old bastard never saw me as anything but weak, pathetic and useless… It wasn't until after he died that I became a stronger nation.

3. Sí, I do. I named it 'El Destripardor', and no you cannot fucking touch mi precioso.

4. *Glares before sighing audibly* …I have, y it's the reason that most of my ex-colonies won't talk to me. Though it's not something that I'm fucking proud of or like to talk about, as I do regret it.

5. Sí, of course! Why do you think he smells like fucking peroxide…?!

6. Many fucking times. Veneziano calls us 'fuck buddies', and has tried to kill me for stealing Flavio's innocence in the past. But I guess anyone would if the circumstances were like that with their hermano…

7. *Glares* **_No._**

**_Olivier Kirkland (AKA 2p Inglaterra) Says:_**

Oh, hello.

I was wondering if by any means you would like a freshly baked chocolate cupcake?

Don't worry, it is incomparable to the dreadful "cooking" that my counterpart calls "food".

And before you get suspicious, these are actually a normal batch. From the way it "sounded" at least from what I had understood, seems chocolate will do you some good.

A-and if you would like we could always be friends. :)

-Sincerely,

Olivier James Kirkland

**_Mi Contestación:_**

*Glares* Stick the cupcake up your damn ass brujo, if you didn't poison it then Dios knows you one of you fucking monstruos ceja cursed it…!

_/Questions via Review from humans, or any personification of land./_


	3. Chapter 3

**Mood:** Bad

**Listening to:** Flavio being a damn idiota

Hola, again… For those of you who read the last estúpido entry, you'll know I spent the night at Flavio's casa yesterday. Today is his shift for Prusia's suicide watch, so both of them are here with me.

**_H-Hi… I-I'm Addler, n-nice to meet you all. I-It's okay if you don't like m-my unawesome self…_**

_Ciao~! Flavio here, and as fabulous as ever~! ;D_

Prusia's not too bad to be around when he's not trying to commit suicide and even though he puts himself down a lot, he's really nice for a 2p. *Scowls deeply* Flavio on the other hand, I wish knew how to shut the fuck up for five minutes…

_*Pouts*Oh, come on caro mio~… Don't be like that! You know you love me~! ^_^_

**_A-Andrés, th-that's not very nice… F-Flavio's always very n-nice to you; m-maybe you should be a bit nicer to him?_**

_SÌ, I agree with Addie~…!_

*Glares* Are you forgetting which fucking meirdecilla blackmailed me into writing this blog in the first place…?!

**_*Cowers behind Flavio and trembles* N-No…_**

_Relax, cariño~! It doesn't count if it's fun…~! ;D_

*Eye twitch* Vete a la meirda…! Let's just get on to the estúpido reviews…

**Neko Sai-Sai Says:**

Andi-chan and Toni-kun sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! *Giggles* Okay, well I guess those where some decent and pretty honest answers for the most part. Don't worry, Sai-Sai won't hold them against you.

QUESTION TIME!

1. Have you ever had smexy timez with your 1p...? :3

2. Have you ever been in love with Flavio?/Are you in love with Flavio?

And lastly, a dare!

I DARE YOU TO TOUCH YOUR 1P'S SQUISHY AND GODLY TUSHIE...!

If you don't Sai-Sai will send a crate of giant purple dildos to 2p!Franny-kun's house with a note saying that you sent them!

Sayonara for now, Andi-chan...! ;D

**Mi Contestación:**

*Glares* I'm not answering either of those…

_Of course he loves me, silly~! And he'd never EVER cheat on me with his man-whore of a 1p…~! ^_^_

*Sweat drop* I never said that we were dating, idiota…

**_Y-You guys aren't d-dating…?_**

NO!

**_T-Then how come I heard you guys m-making love b-before Veneziano yelled a-at you to be quiet?_**

El mocoso stuck his hands down my fucking pants! What the fuck was I supposed to do?!

_*Purrs* But what about all those other times, querido…~? *Smirks*_

*Growls* You keep climbing into by bed NAKED! I just fucking gave up on telling you to get the damn hell out!

**_O.o …_**

_D: … Q~Q …_

*Sighs* Flavio, por favor no llores…

_I forbid you from touching that putanna's culo…! D:_

*Scowls even deeper than the last time* I have to do the dare or the Author will scar me for life for being mean to one of his amigos…

((Author: Damn straight!))

_Q~Q … I-I hate you! You're so mean…!_

*Sighs again* Let's just get this fucking over with…

USER HAS LOGGED OUT

_/Questions via Review from humans, or any personification of land./_


	4. Chapter 4

**Mood:** Wanting to kill a bitch *Glares*

**Listening to:**1p!Romano screaming profanities outside

So, in the past few days that I've been gone… *Scowls* I did touch mi idiota de 1p's culo estúpido. I also received a fucking black eye from Flavio's 1p for it… *Sarcastically* Gracias for the fucking dare, usted gilipollases. *Rolls eyes*

It's been weird sleeping alone, the damn bed seems colder than it used to be… Since Flavio's giving me the silent treatment, I'm surprised that Veneziano hasn't tried to kill me yet. Despite acting though, I know he has a soft spot for his hermano… Maybe he's too busy screwing Alemania's brains out. Fuck it, I don't even give a crap.

_Now on to the estúpido reviews…_

**_Neko Sai-Sai Says:_**

ZOMG! Your Prussia is ADORABLE! ^_^

And I'm so sorry Flavio...! D:

QUESTION TIME!

1. Is the BTT still called by the same name with 2Ps?

2. Speaking of the BTT, what's 2p!Franny-kun's human name?

3. Since Flavio's not a natural blonde, is Flavio even his real name...?

4. How did 2p!Prussia's suicide issues start?

5. Who gave 2p!Germany the scar on his face...?

**_Mi Contestación:_**

_*Glares* __…Te odio._

1. Try the NTT, or No Touch Trio. Due to the fact that Francia is disgusted by even the idea of sex, Prusia can't get any, and if try to lay a finger on me chances are that I'll break it. Gracias for that group name Flavio, it's fucking amazing! *Sarcasm*

2. Claude Gascon Bonnefoy.

3. No, it's not. It's just a nickname…

4. His gilipollas of a 1p has kept telling him that he is 'unawesome' since they were chibis.

5. Believe it or not, Prusia did… Being such a weak country be used to take a lot of his anger and frustration out on Alemania as a chibi, so most of his scars come from Prusia. I have a slight suspicion that the rest of them might be from having sexo escabroso (kinky sex) with Veneziano though…

**_Karebear16 Says:_**

Holaaaaa Andi-chan man that's fun ...anyway I just want to say your Soooo adorable but you should try to smile more you'll get wrinkles with all that frowning :)

Questions:

1. If you really don't like Flavio like you proclaim and just fuck home then why do you nice to him and not kick him out for being well him cuz he can be annoying as fuck no offense Flavio :)

2. Do you have and BFFs?

Bye bye oh wait do me a fav kiss cute Flavio and say ya love him it'll make him happy kk;)

**_Mi Contestación:_**

*Eye twitch* One, _that's not my fucking name… _Secondly, I don't smile. _EVER!_ *Scowls* Only mi idiota of a 1p does that. I do smirk on occasion, but that rarely happens. And thirdly, I hope to Dios that Inglés is not your first language… Because you speak it worse than I do.

1. …It's hard to explain. He's the only ex-colony that still so much as fucking talks to me, no matter how much I've fucked up his life. No tengo ningún salvador… And he deserves better than a grumpy, pedophilic old fuck like me in the first place.

2. Francia and Prusia, I guess…? I don't really have that many amigos.

*Glares*

USER HAS LOGGED OUT

((Author: Reviews are love! So don't let Andrés's bad attitude deter you~!))

_/Questions via Review from humans, or any personification of land./_


	5. Chapter 5

**Mood:** Pissed off from lack of sleep

**Listening to:**Just another psycho, by Mötley Crüe.

Francia came over today, complaining about Inglaterra stalking him and breaking into his house again. Honestly who the fuck cleans a house when they break into it, and leaves cupcakes in the fridge?! ¡Por el amor de Dios!

I also found out why Veneziano hasn't tried to fucking kill me again yet, and it actually does involve sexo escabroso to a certain extent. Flavio being the fucking idiota that he is sometimes tried to give Alemania a damn lap dance in order to make me fucking jealous or some such bullshit, got beaten up for it by his hermano and showed up on my doorstep bawling his eyes out at one o'clock in el Dios maldita mañana… I didn't get much sleep; on account of the fact that I could fucking hear Alemania being 'punished' all the way from my damn casa!

I fucking hate Veneziano sometimes. -.-'

_Now on to the estúpido reviews…_

**_Karebear16 Says:_**

Hola Andi-chan btw imma still call u that aint nuting u cn do also english is my first language its just i suck at grammer and speeling :)

Questions:

1. whats up with ur hair, is it died or natural and how did that happen if so?

2. if you feel bad about ur ex-colonies apoligize then myb theyll accept it

3. you shuld piss vene off by having rlly kinky sex wen hes suppose to visit flavio(wats his real name) it wuld be funnnnnn :)

bye bye smile!

**_Mi Contestación:_**

*Glares hard*

1. What do you fucking mean…? What the damn hell's wrong with it?!

((Author: I think she's talking about the skunk-head design. *Shows him skunk-head's Tumblr*))

That fucking imposter! _I'M NOT A DIOS DAMNED SKUNK-HEAD!_

((Author: Awww, don't be mean to skunk-head. *Pouts* I like his blog, it's funny…))

*Growls at the author*

((Author: Eeep! *Runs away*))

2. Easier said than done, cabeza de mierda… Those who don't run away from me, generally try to fucking kill me.

3. Firstly Flavio and Veneziano live together, they are one country after all… Secondly, if I tell you that you'll think that I cared enough to fucking learn it. So, fuck you! And finally, NO. Just no…

And I refuse to fucking smile!

**_Neko Sai-Sai Says:_**

Pero, yo gustar tu... *Pouts* T~T

QUESTION TIME...

1. What was the Spanish civil war like for you and your 1p? Also, what side were you on...?

2. Are you gay, bi, pan or something else?

3. Who was your first? Was it Austria seeing as 2p!Franny-kun shuns teh smexy timez...?

4. I get that you enjoy Flavio's attention (Even though you say otherwise) because of affection being something so foreign to you, but why do you feel that you're not good enough for him? O.o?

5. You never answered my question about smexy timez with your 1p! -.-

**_Mi Contestación:_**

*Glare softens*

1. We were on opposing sides of it… And I did many things to him of which I regret. I helped Franco with the damned rebellion, and lived the high life during the years of hunger while mi contraparte starved. He was kept as a political prisoner for a lot of the time during Franco's reign after the damn war ended, and when he wasn't he was forced into hard labor to help bring the economy back up. I often took part in any sanctioned interrogations, though it was nothing like my time as part of the inquisition. As the 'dark' personification of España, I've often had close relations with the parts of history that you humans deem monstrous.

2. Bi with a preference towards hombres.

3. Sí, unfortunately it was. He's lucky I wasn't a strong enough country to rip his fucking dick off back then… That vicious fuck-face is no better than Señor Roma!

4. *Scowls* Because he should fucking hate me after what I did to him! Have you ever fucking held down a screaming child while took their Dios damn innocence…?! Marred their skin with a blade and lapped at the damn blood, while they nearly bled to fucking death?! …I'm glad that I at least raised Bélgica right, otherwise Flavio would be fucking dead.

5. *Deep red* And I'm still not going to!

((Author: *Randomly appears again* Oh yeah, they have! XD You should see what happens when you leave two drunken personifications of the country of passion alone together in the same room~! ^_^))

_¡VETE A LA MIERDA!_

USER HAS LOGGED OUT

_/Questions via Review from humans, or any personification of land./_


End file.
